After 23 years living in Oakland, the time has come for me to find a new home. My partner and I are going to be moving to Seattle by early August.
This has been in the works for a while. In fact, the first time we talked about it was about 12 years ago. Elizabeth had moved to the Bay Area when she was 14, and she was ready to try living somewhere else. At the time, I was working full-time at Good Vibrations and I couldn’t imagine any other company being willing to give me as great a job. There aren’t a lot of full-time gigs in the sexuality field, so I thought that was the end of that.
A few months after I left Good Vibrations in 2013 and started building my coaching practice, Elizabeth came to me and said, “So, do you remember that talk we had all those years ago about moving somewhere else? You know- the one I haven’t been bringing up all this time?” As soon as she said that, I saw where the rest of the conversation was going to go. I knew that she’d been setting her wishes aside for a long time, and that it was my turn to be flexible. Besides, after all these years together, I know when to advocate for what I want and when it’s simply going to be easier to not try to fight the inevitable. (protip: that is one of the key skills for a happy long term relationship.)
The longer we talked about it, the more sense it made. At some point, my thinking shifted away of “this is something I’m doing for my partner” and towards “this is something I want for myself.” There’s a lot that I love about the Bay Area, but I’ve also seen it change in the time I’ve been here. I’m living through the third major dotcom boom, and each time, more people get pushed out of San Francisco to end up in the east bay. It’s sort of funny how often folks who wouldn’t come across the bay for a party or a dinner date are suddenly enthusiastic about how easy the trip is. I’ve seen the culture of the Bay Area change again and again, and while I still enjoy it, I also think that we’ve grown apart. It’s time for a change, and to be honest, I think I’ll enjoy my relationship with the Bay Area a bit more if we get some distance. Plus, I miss the fog that we used to get and I like the Seattle weather. Sunburn on the top of your head is no joke.
Elizabeth started looking for a job in Seattle several months ago, but it took a while for it to come together. A few days ago, she accepted a position up there. It’s a beautiful city with a thriving sex-positive crowd. There are lots of queer, kinky, and poly folks. There are also quite a few sexological bodyworkers, so I’m looking forward to reestablishing my coaching practice. And of course, I can keep working with my Skype clients from anywhere.
I have some upcoming workshops in the Bay Area, so I’ll be coming back for those. And I expect to keep planning trips after that- there’s too much here that I enjoy and there are too many people here who I love for me to leave forever. But I’ve lived in Oakland ever since I graduated from college. It’s time for some new soil under my feet.
So to all my Oakland folks: it has been a real pleasure to get to know you, to grow with you, and to celebrate with you. Oakland is an amazing city and I’m so glad I got to be here for so long. Thank you all!
To my Seattle friends and friends-to-be: I know it’ll take a while to get myself settled in, and I’d appreciate your help. I’d love to start getting to know more folks within the sex-positive communities, and I really want to expand my professional circles. If you know anyone who you think I should connect with, please send an email or Facebook message introduction. Actually, no matter where you live, if you have friends or contacts in Seattle who you think I should meet, feel free to introduce us. While I’m excited to make this leap, I’m also feeling some anxiety about it. Your support will help me find my feet and would mean a lot to me. Extra points if you can help me find an office to see clients in. Double extra points if you send your friends to me for coaching or sexological bodywork.
In the meantime, I’m still scheduling in-person coaching and sexological bodywork sessions, so if you’ve been curious to know how I can help you have amazing sex, get in touch. I’d love to see you before I go!